An open letter to my son


Forgive me for my sense of urgency. I’m still figuring mothering and you out.

How to combine you both and learning to love through pain and uncertainty is foreign to me. I’m trying hard to be your hero, your strong momma in the midst of chaos. I love you. You inspire me. You are the fire cracker that gets me moving in the morning (some times way too early) but you keep me on my toes in more ways then one.

I know you being small and dependent won’t last forever. It is a privilege to be so needed by you and that is what you are to me.

You keep me present and help me to soak the heck out of the moment. You are my teacher in many ways, although you have no clue what an impact you are to me daily, hourly. You are a beaming joy and light encased in a 2 year old eager little boy full of wonder and adventure yet to discover. God’s beautiful masterpiece.

You are high spirited and the moment we knew your name meaning we had no doubt it was the one for you. You have world changing spunk within your core and a stubborn- ah hem *passionate* leadership about you that I know will be birthed in time. You come alive with music. It is a gift to witness you change the atmosphere by simply being yourself. You are a prize not many will know how to recieve because you are a breath of fresh, real, honest right in your face air.

You are my constant reminder of real and significance. All to often I drift off into my thoughts and you pull me out and want to just hang and play dinosaurs.

You show me how to love with action. You. Changed. My. Life.

You teach me the importance of reaching out to others and being available. You make me want to run around the backyard with you for the sheer beauty that we can. You bring me to life and take me out of hiding.

Your boldness is a treasure (and some days I would kill to have half of your energy). We are on a journey of uncovering eachother. You peel layers from me and I help you to discover a world that is brand new to you.

I will never give up the pursuit to know who you are and to speak life over you. I am forever on your side, and if the day comes where you move me to the bleachers, with a semi-broken heart I’ll be shouting praises from a distance. I love you.

Why you should share your story

Sometimes we go through something so horrific and because of it we feel isolated, and if we have no one to turn to for support it just adds to the hopelessness.

You already feel lost, but that isolating feeling can be so crippling, it can inhibit us from reaching out during a time we really need to. Sometimes we don’t share things because we don’t want to burdeon other people with our ‘problems’..but sharing what we’re going through, sometimes just that small step of vulnerability, stops the power that the pain has over us.

Our pain gives the illusion that we’re in this alone but that’s the farthest thing from the truth!

There’s so many hurting people out there. The enemy wants us to keep thinking that we’re hopeless and alone in our despair, that no one could possibly understand what we’re going through– but we need to break that cycle. We need to open up and allow people in, allow people to see that we’re human too and that we go through pain and *gasp* even emotions.

Why is it our first instinct to hide our mess? Do we think people won’t care, or that it’s even a problem in the first place? I’ve been guilty of that mindset. Denial. Denial so I don’t have to face the elephant in my life. Let’s just be real about our problems. How much more connected would we feel as a body/community if we were just real about stuff we were dealing with, and were able to relate and help each other?

By us opening up we can allow healing to start. I’ve come to know that you can’t get healed by suppressing the pain. You can only bottle so much up before it really messes you up.

God showed me that if I wouldn’t have shared what I was going through, I wouldn’t have been able to connect and relate with some mommas who were going through the same thing! When we take the focus off ourselves, off solely OUR problems, we see how much we’re actually not alone.

Share your experiences, hurts and pain. It’s real. It’s not meant to be bottled up. I encourage you to share your story. You never know who needs to hear it!

**I’m always open for a chat or to vent to or pray with you..Odds are I’ve been in your situation. You’re never alone in anything in this life, no matter how much your situation screams that you are! **

Private message me if you need to talk.

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