It leaves you emptier than when you were first searching because now you have the heaviness of shame. The shame drives you. It is never content. Maybe you’ll feel better once you ‘get it’ you think. Whatever it may be. But the search continues.
The funny (or not so funny) thing is that the more we add to ourselves, the emptier we feel. There’s still a void. You will continue to feel emptiness in your life and search for the ‘next best thing’ as long as you stay on this road. There’s no satisfaction because the flesh is never satisfied.
You will begin to feel like there’s something wrong with YOU. You have this great degree, great life, have a powerful role yet *something* is missing. You can’t quite put your finger on it.. and because you can’t figure it out it leads to depression. It leads to self hate, and bitterness. With yourself. With God. With life. With others who just seem happy and seem to ‘get it’. You can search high and low for that piece to the puzzle but I’m telling you you won’t ever find it in material things.
My ‘searching’, rather trial an errors, led me to Christ and I’m so grateful it did. For me I had to see for myself so I tried many avenues in search of self worth, a greater purpose then just living routinely day to day.
I found ‘it’. And He is Jesus. He fills me up. The search is over. I know he loves me, he accepts me, he sacrificed it all for me, so I could find Him and He could fill my voids… and that is more than anything this world will ever have to offer. The ultimate satisfaction. The utmost worth.