Hey new momma

Can I call you that? Are you used to it yet?

Has it sunk in that this beautiful new creature is now dependant on you for the next 18 years.. minimum? If it hasn’t, I’ll give it a sec.

It kinda just happened, hey?

You awaited this time from the moment you saw those little pink lines. But it wasn’t smack dab right in the middle of your face then.

Now it is and it’s overwhelming. It’s ok to admit.

Your whole life changed just moments ago. God only knows what state your body is in.. but you’re too focused on this little miracle to care.

Heck, you’d probably do it all over again at the drop of a hat.

But.. I’ll give you a second to think on that.

Your panicking in bed, laying there trying to doze off but all you can think is ‘was it 4ml or 5?’ You read it 10 times but now it’s all a fog.

I’ve been there.

Google will become your best friend. Your go to even over your real best friends. Who, will get put on the back burner no matter how much you think you’ll swing it all. Just like showering, your social, sex, and life in general.

But that’s OK.

And it’s normal to feel overwhelmed. To feel like giving up or that you can’t do it. To feel like it should be easier. To feel 5000 things, to be honest, because your body is digesting a hormone cocktail that you didn’t sign up for.

But you know what, that worry, that fear, is disguised behind how much you care to do this right. And I applaud you new momma and I’m on the side lines cheering. And, most days crying behind closed doors, with you in mind.

This. To. Shall. Pass.

The late nights. The lonesome, tireless, mundane routine feeling that ALL you do is put your robotic, new mom bod, into motion day in and day out. The thankless feeling of being the only one running an assembly line will pass.

Rather, it will shift.

It’ll shift to an easier mode and you will start to get used to this little energy sucker AKA precious little gift of life.

It. Will. Happen. I promise. Until then, take solice in the fact that you are not alone.

So you, new momma, with the over exhausted new face you now sport daily, and the beautiful life you’ve created all nestled up in your safe, warm, inviting arms, hold your baby tight and know that this is exactly where you need to be in this moment.

“Many women are not prepared for the wide range of feelings they may have after the birth of their baby. They often experience sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, worry or a sense of inadequacy. Every mother is different and may have different combinations of feelings.”
– sourced from http://www.ppdil.org/symptoms-of-ppmds

**On an ending note if this overwhelming feeling lasts too long/ you feel something just isn’t right- there is help out there! Post partum is a real thing that isn’t to be shamed! I’ve had it and am currently managing depression and anxiety as a busy mom.

You don’t have to suffer alone.

There are people who care, who’ve been there and CAN help. Here are some resources.

Website : http://www.postpartum.net
Phone number : ‪1.800.944.4773‬ (Post partum support international)

Also, pls feel free to message me if you want to talk privately about this. 💞
You are loved more than you will ever know by someone who died to know you.


The endless seeker

Banished Insecurities. Famished Dreams.
Awoken Insight. Secured Realities. Birthed Hope that brought me to my knees,
Forever finding comfort in my hiding place
Yet you, the endless seeker will never give up on me.
I run, you wait.
Your patience outweighs
My selfish desires to rule my own mind.

I know the darkest clouds will fade I know that you will make a way.

Hey new momma

Can I call you that? Are you used to it yet?

Has it sunk in that this beautiful new creature is now dependant on you for the next 18 years.. minimum? If it hasn’t, I’ll give it a sec.

It kinda just happened, hey?

You awaited this time from the moment you saw those little pink lines. But it wasn’t smack dab right in the middle of your face then.

Now it is and it’s overwhelming. It’s ok to admit.

Your whole life changed just moments ago. God only knows what state your body is in.. but you’re too focused on this little miracle to care.

Heck, you’d probably do it all over again at the drop of a hat.

But.. I’ll give you a second to think on that.

Your panicking in bed, laying there trying to doze off but all you can think is ‘was it 4ml or 5?’ You read it 10 times but now it’s all a fog.

I’ve been there.

Google will become your best friend. Your go to even over your real best friends. Who, will get put on the back burner no matter how much you think you’ll swing it all. Just like showering, your social, sex, and life in general.

But that’s OK.

And it’s normal to feel overwhelmed. To feel like giving up or that you can’t do it. To feel like it should be easier. To feel 5000 things, to be honest, because your body is digesting a hormone cocktail that you didn’t sign up for.

But you know what, that worry, that fear, is disguised behind how much you care to do this right. And I applaud you new momma and I’m on the side lines cheering. And, most days crying behind closed doors, with you in mind.

This. To. Shall. Pass.

The late nights. The lonesome, tireless, mundane routine feeling that ALL you do is put your robotic, new mom bod, into motion day in and day out. The thankless feeling of being the only one running an assembly line will pass.

Rather, it will shift.

It’ll shift to an easier mode and you will start to get used to this little energy sucker AKA precious little gift of life.

It. Will. Happen. I promise. Until then, take solice in the fact that you are not alone.

So you, new momma, with the over exhausted new face you now sport daily, and the beautiful life you’ve created all nestled up in your safe, warm, inviting arms, hold your baby tight and know that this is exactly where you need to be in this moment.

“Many women are not prepared for the wide range of feelings they may have after the birth of their baby. They often experience sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, worry or a sense of inadequacy. Every mother is different and may have different combinations of feelings.”
– sourced from http://www.ppdil.org/symptoms-of-ppmds

**On an ending note if this overwhelming feeling lasts too long/ you feel something just isn’t right- there is help out there! Post partum is a real thing that isn’t to be shamed! I’ve had it and am currently managing depression and anxiety as a busy mom.**

You don’t have to suffer alone.

There are people who care, who’ve been there and CAN help. Here are some resources.

Website : http://www.postpartum.net
Phone number : ‪1.800.944.4773‬ (Post partum support international)

Also, pls feel free to message me if you want to talk privately about this. 💞


You are loved more than you will ever know by someone who died to know you.

20180115_225147

Broken Things

So I’m in the process of writing a long Post about goals and my laptop breaks down, go figure eh? 🙂

Life is messy, beautiful and oh so unpredictable. I was listening to the song ‘Broken Things by Matthew West’ just now, whilst putting dishes away, and emotion overcame me so strongly. I’ve heard this song a bunch of times before without that effect so I feel led to post it.

Feel free to follow my public playlist ‘Worship’ on youtube. –> https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL692CC8B3D10B1E03

Here’s the lyrics to Broken things.

If grace was a kingdom
I stopped at the gate
Thinking I don’t deserve to pass through after all the mistakes that I’ve made

Oh but I heard a whisper
As Heaven bent down
Said, “Child, don’t you know that the first will be last and the last get a crown”

Now I’m just a beggar in the presence of a King
I wish I could bring so much more
But if it’s true You use broken things
Then here I am Lord, I’m all Yours

The pages of history they tell me it’s true
That it’s never the perfect; it’s always the ones with the scars that You use

It’s the rebels and the prodigals; it’s the humble and the weak
All the misfit heroes You chose
Tell me there’s hope for sinners like me

Now I’m just a beggar in the presence of a King
I wish I could bring so much more
But if it’s true You use broken things
Then here I am Lord, I’m all Yours

Grace is a kingdom
With gates open wide
There’s a seat at the table just waiting for you
So, come on inside

Enjoy- whoever this was for. Maybe it was just me, but doesn’t hurt to share the wealth 💗

Momma

Mamma was bruised, spirit and soul.
She had battle scars few cared to know.
She never talked about her issues because her greatest downfall was feeling like she was being a burden to others.

Great or small tasks she completed alone, never seeking recognition or applause. Some would say she was in a fog because she was in love with the presence of God and hearing from Him was a task she delighted in.

She saw the world with childlike glee.
‘Just let it be’ she would say to me.
Mamma knew the key to life was looking beyond your own problems and lending a hand to those in need.

Her role of homemaker she didn’t take light. She is the reason I seek peace over the need to be right. If I could give a symbol for my mom it would be a dove. Doves represent peace. It also represents the Holy Spirit and mom would always give gentle reminders like Him. She rarely pushed anyone to do anything; she would guide them, when they showed signs of readiness.

She believed in ‘togetherness’ and the power of a simple smile. She would look for people throughout her day to quote on quote “be a blessing to”. As I write this tears fall from my eyes because I can’t even imagine a world with her not in it. Even being just a phone call away sometimes isn’t enough. I’ll never forget the day when I truly saw mom in a new light.

Have you ever grieved someone’s presence, who is still alive?

One day mom dropped Ty and I off and she was walking back to her car and I was just overwhelmed by the thought of never seeing her again. I wanted to run out and hug her so bad but I silently watched her drive away.

Some would say she was a pushover- if being humble is viewed as a push over then I would gladly embark to carry on that title. Mom never followed the crowd and she inspired me to do the same. All of Mike and my friends loved my mom because they saw her heart. She would ask “How are you doing?” with a genuine concern.

She had a way with people where her presence would immediately effect those who came in contact. ‘You are my sunshine’ was the song she taught Tyson, and when I hear him sing it now throughout the day, a warmth of familiarity and delight instantly wash over me.

She will always be with us, I’ll feel her when I feel the sun. She shined and nourished us; I know even the darkest clouds couldn’t dim her love.

20180115_225147

Stillness

Maybe I’ll meet you in the stillness.
The simplicity and otherwise silence of life.
While I’m waiting for fireworks, I don’t want to be deaf to the whispers.
I’m used to the signs and dreams but I’m left to scramble the pieces at times.

You understand our human tendacies.
We are self lovers seeking the temporary but you don’t dismiss us by our downfalls.
You gave us vision and a mind of our own and the beauty and freedom of choice.
We can follow you into the unknown or we can sit back and wallow at the fact that our fleshy eyes aren’t seeing movement.

That impatience. That have to have it, have to know it now. I crave the vision but do I more than the Creator? Peace. Be still. Help me Lord to seek stillness and a calm from you alone. You asked me “If I took it all away would you still follow me?” I answered, instinctivly out of humanacy.. “but” after that pause “Yes Lord I would.” Why the pause? Did I need to run it by myself, questioning my maker like He didn’t have a plan? Giiiirl, check yo self.

No matter how long a season lasts without answers, I will seek You.. and in that silence, contentness, from not knowing but trusting the one who does, will be birthed.

I’m chasing You.

I’m chasing you with intent to leave behind all that does not mirror your Son. Yet I feel fatherless many a time, it’s You I’ll never cease to find. I need to pursue your heart like my life depends on it, for it does.

I’m chasing you sometimes with blinders yet the unknown is my selfish desire, to relinquish. I’ll chase you when he will not, hoping I’m holding our spot yet knowing I can only do my part.

I’ll chase you.

If I don’t run I’ll simply stop, to have meaning, desire, zeal I cannot bear a life as such. I’d be a shell unfilled, awaiting instruction, awaiting the hand of my Maker yet ignorant of such a gift.
I’m chasing you with tears streaming, a broken heart that’s somehow beating. A trembling voice, a shaky hand,

One desire, one plea,

Lead me. 

An open letter to an inspiring world changer,

 

 

Jamie,

When I think of you I think of strength.

Strength in adversity. Strength in relations. Strength in the burning to grow and use the card you’ve been dealt for GOD’S glory.

The only failure is the one who doesn’t think (pride) they need help nor go to any length to receive it. You are humble and beautiful and God sees you as His daughter. Most importantly He sees your heart. You are so prized to Him, myself, and anyone who has come in contact with you.

I am so proud of you babe. You encourage me as a believer, mother, and writer. Your volnerablity is refreshing and you are writing your story as you go along this journey. I am a by stander on the side lines and I will never stop cheering, sometimes silently, but you are always in my heart.

The more things you go, rather GROW through will only be used for His glory.

You will impact many lives and you already have! I love you and support your healing and seeking God. I pray you are refreshed and reminded of who you are and WHO’s you are.

You are a treasure, friend. You are never alone. You are a world shaker and I’m just so happy I signed up for dance that one night several moons ago.💕

Ps.  I miss you a stupid amount.

 

Your sister forever,

Christina

An open letter to my son


Forgive me for my sense of urgency. I’m still figuring mothering and you out.

How to combine you both and learning to love through pain and uncertainty is foreign to me. I’m trying hard to be your hero, your strong momma in the midst of chaos. I love you. You inspire me. You are the fire cracker that gets me moving in the morning (some times way too early) but you keep me on my toes in more ways then one.

I know you being small and dependent won’t last forever. It is a privilege to be so needed by you and that is what you are to me.

You keep me present and help me to soak the heck out of the moment. You are my teacher in many ways, although you have no clue what an impact you are to me daily, hourly. You are a beaming joy and light encased in a 2 year old eager little boy full of wonder and adventure yet to discover. God’s beautiful masterpiece.

You are high spirited and the moment we knew your name meaning we had no doubt it was the one for you. You have world changing spunk within your core and a stubborn- ah hem *passionate* leadership about you that I know will be birthed in time. You come alive with music. It is a gift to witness you change the atmosphere by simply being yourself. You are a prize not many will know how to recieve because you are a breath of fresh, real, honest right in your face air.

You are my constant reminder of real and significance. All to often I drift off into my thoughts and you pull me out and want to just hang and play dinosaurs.

You show me how to love with action. You. Changed. My. Life.

You teach me the importance of reaching out to others and being available. You make me want to run around the backyard with you for the sheer beauty that we can. You bring me to life and take me out of hiding.

Your boldness is a treasure (and some days I would kill to have half of your energy). We are on a journey of uncovering eachother. You peel layers from me and I help you to discover a world that is brand new to you.

I will never give up the pursuit to know who you are and to speak life over you. I am forever on your side, and if the day comes where you move me to the bleachers, with a semi-broken heart I’ll be shouting praises from a distance. I love you.

Why you should share your story

Sometimes we go through something so horrific and because of it we feel isolated, and if we have no one to turn to for support it just adds to the hopelessness.

You already feel lost, but that isolating feeling can be so crippling, it can inhibit us from reaching out during a time we really need to. Sometimes we don’t share things because we don’t want to burdeon other people with our ‘problems’..but sharing what we’re going through, sometimes just that small step of vulnerability, stops the power that the pain has over us.

Our pain gives the illusion that we’re in this alone but that’s the farthest thing from the truth!

There’s so many hurting people out there. The enemy wants us to keep thinking that we’re hopeless and alone in our despair, that no one could possibly understand what we’re going through– but we need to break that cycle. We need to open up and allow people in, allow people to see that we’re human too and that we go through pain and *gasp* even emotions.

Why is it our first instinct to hide our mess? Do we think people won’t care, or that it’s even a problem in the first place? I’ve been guilty of that mindset. Denial. Denial so I don’t have to face the elephant in my life. Let’s just be real about our problems. How much more connected would we feel as a body/community if we were just real about stuff we were dealing with, and were able to relate and help each other?

By us opening up we can allow healing to start. I’ve come to know that you can’t get healed by suppressing the pain. You can only bottle so much up before it really messes you up.

God showed me that if I wouldn’t have shared what I was going through, I wouldn’t have been able to connect and relate with some mommas who were going through the same thing! When we take the focus off ourselves, off solely OUR problems, we see how much we’re actually not alone.

Share your experiences, hurts and pain. It’s real. It’s not meant to be bottled up. I encourage you to share your story. You never know who needs to hear it!

**I’m always open for a chat or to vent to or pray with you..Odds are I’ve been in your situation. You’re never alone in anything in this life, no matter how much your situation screams that you are! **

Private message me if you need to talk.

http://www.instagram.com/Cricha90